doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
