i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
