Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
