i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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