I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
