you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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