hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
