I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
