HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
