Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
