id be glad to
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm passing your future prison.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
