i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
