he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
