i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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