walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
