Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
