Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
