The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
