the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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