and you said cock pushups were impossible
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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