have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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