And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I still have a little drunk in my system
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
