pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
