I swear she didn't look like that last week.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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