"it" just moved
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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