Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
