I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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