It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
