There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
