i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
