he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
