It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
