tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
