Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
