He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
