I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
