You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
