I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
