Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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