did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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