Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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