Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
