just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
