Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
