okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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