Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
