the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
