That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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