apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
