I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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