After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
